I love children…. sounds clichéd, doesn’t it? Tell me someone who does not ?

I love children not for them being just children. I love them also for their innocence, their joyful nature, their Godliness…..they are Angels, aren’t they ?

Yet there are people who trample on these angels. Yes we read about them in the newspapers, see them in action at times….It is my greatest agony to read about any incident of child neglect, abuse and ill-treatment or disrespect of any kind.

I needn’t speak about any of these examples. You know what i am gonna speak about.

So please , think about this and promise yourself to act now. We shall all play our part in ensuring this change…

No child should suffer at any cost due to greed, neglect, cruelty, perversion, lust….. !!!

I still remember the year 2008 when I resolved to tone my rather flabby frame and walked all the way to the gym in the morning….well…..that never quite worked out because the gym rules required me to be there at six in the morning and work out for 2 hours.

2009 was a year when I resolved to be more creative at anything that I did and also add to my pay packet by contributing more at work. Actually we got a pay raise in December ….but creativity never worked out…though I was definitely more creative while imagining bad things related my future. Being fired at work (ahem, recession is the culprit here), sickness, accidents and  so on….

Well this year I have consciously not made any firm resolutions, though I know I must be more positive in outlook generally. Also I have to accept the fact that I am going to be more lonely, now that my friend and colleague would be leaving Trivandrum soon in search of greener pastures. For two years she had been my greatest solace  other than my daughter.

Well…..even if we break it regularly, I would still say that a new year is about setting new expectations and goals for yourself….because even if you break it, there is still the comfort that you have identified a problem and want to resolve it !!!

This year I have made the resolution (well…i give myself the freedom to break it too) to always be of a positive outlook, be helpful to all and also think of ways by which you can play your small part in eliminating the greater evils that haunt the world…..play your small part to eliminate poverty, illiteracy, war, terrorism, racism, accidents, trafficking, child abuse, anger, selfishness, cruelty to animals and so on……

If you have to make resolutions, make those that will not only help you, but also the others….. is what my feeling is.

The problem arose when my cousin with who she was staying after Grandfather’s death had to move to Chennai. She could not obviously follow them and then she had to move in with one of her daughters. My mother who is the eldest daugter could not shoulder the responsibility because me and my daughter were staying with her  after my divorce. Moroever, amma (mom) was not healthy and could not look after ammoomma (grandmother) that wellwithout help from someone. I would be too busy myself with my hectic job. And old people require more care and affection.

For a week she was with one daughter and with another one the next. She found this a little embarassing and uncomfortable not only because she had to carry around her things with her (medicines, clothes) but also because she was old and needed a stable existence. But alas, she had no other go. There was also the reason that she wished to see and be with each of her grandchildren and daughters.

I found this a little embarassing and hurtful myself because I loved her a lot and needed her to be happy always. You see, In India we have this huge problem of the family staying together at all costs always. I call this a problem because in some ways it inhibits your ability to enjoy your independence. Still in a way, this can also be a blessing because you are always cared for and appreciated as a loved one.  However, in this case, we were having a problem, I felt. She was an old woman who needed to be treated with respect and that respect was lacking here, with her having to pack her bags and move about in her ripe old age.

Well, on second thoughts, this is anyway better than her having to stay in an old-age home without anyone to love her. She does move about but she is treated as one in the family and not thrown away to strangers, right ? Her daughters  and their husbands were looking after her and repaying for all the love she had bestowed on them in her younger days. She may feel lonely without anyone to talk to much but it is better than having to stare at the faces of nurses and maids who are of no relation to her.

Old age is the only time when you can say with confidence whether you are lucky…..lucky enough to not get thrown to the old-age homes, lucky not to get murdered after staying alone in huge mansions or small apartments, lucky not to get ill-treated by your own kith and kin……lucky to not be a victim of dementia and Alzhiemers…..

Soon after that nasal allergy and fever…which recurred, again another month-long diet of strong antibiotics, antihistamines and cough syrups….

Which keeps me wondering whether we are ourselves inviting trouble by doing certain things and sticking to a certain kind of lifestyle. What has disappointed me a lot was the number of antibiotics that were prescribed to me for anything and everything…..which forces me to think in terms of going for Ayurveda, which looks at removing the cause rather than removing the symptoms !!!

Also my habit of believing in ads and buying all kinds of cosmetics which promise to deliver the goods (well, when you are over 30 and a little more you have to agree that there is reason for panic)  has ruined my money and health somewhat in one go. There was this hair oil that promised to restore natural hair color (black) to my few greys, which brought sinus problems and chest infection (plus a fresh dose of antibiotics) along with it. There was Retinol cream that promised to remove fine lines but also presented a huge acne boil…and like this a lot more !

Over the counter ayurveda does more harm than good, but there are plenty of people who try these medicines out. In India we have to remember that Ayurveda is used by unauthourised, so-called experts to cheat people a lot !!!

My colleague has prescribes Yoga and Swimming for my allergic problems. Either or both …..Yes, I feel a good diet and a stress-free life will cure my problems apart from the fact that I am of course, ageing rapidly(a ripe 35 now). And considering the fact that I am single, I have all the more chance to be carefree and stress-free I guess !!! My little daughter helps me be a child again……… she is calling me to play with her Let me go.

And not surprisingly, because there was no chance that she could make it. Not even the slimmest chance … no permission for sure, not from either family, not from anyone in this part of the country, and most importantly, not even from her hero himself.

He was the one she loved….

Now that is strange, you love someone, you are loved back, but there is no indication anyways, of getting settled. There are no promises, just a small hope. And all she needed was security, stability, care. At least, she needed it , after all that she has gone through. Now why can’t she leave him ? Why does she cling onto this meaningless torture ? Guess this is what life is after all….

Life is so strange. She puts you in front of people, she offers things to you on a golden plate sometimes, but by then you are allergic to gold….or is it that you think it is ?

What is more upsetting is the fact that many of us are not true to ourselves…. in the sense, we are just faking….not being our true selves…not even to the slightest degree. Have we thought how many times we have smiled just because we are expected to ? how many times have we smiled and spoken to others just for the sake of not appearing to be rude ? how many times have we tried to look like there is nothing hurting us ? how many times have we tried to look the perfect couple to the world outside ? how many times have you tried to like the job that you are doing ?

I think we have no right to be untruthful….be authentic…..listen and act according to what your heart tells you. Starting today….

He had mentioned that it was a beautiful one, one which spoke a lot about life truths. Well, for a long time I did not touch the book due to a lot of reasons. And when I completed reading it a month back, I regretted not having read it sooner. Never before have I gone through a fulfilling piece of literature as this one !

The story is about two friends who in their life’s twilight, try to analyze certain truths concerning themselves. This post-mortem about their past actions and the outcome is more or less done by one of them, the General, while the other is just expected to answer his friend’s questions so that he can decipher the final truth.

In reading through the discussions between the two that evening, when they sit and unravel the happenings when they were far younger, we the readers also come to understand certain vital truths about life in general.

Heinrik and Konrad were fellow students and cadets at the military academy of Vienna, before the first world war. Heinrik is the son of a rich aristocrat and stays in a huge castle in the Carpathian mountains. Konrad, though of good lineage, is poor and has to go through the indignity of relating to his friend, his parent’s sacrifices in order to sustain and educate him. They were thick friends, and Heinrik sees to it that Konrad is always with him and cared for, even during the holidays when they used to be at the Castle with Heinrik’s parents.

It was Heinrik who loved Konrad more maybe, because Konrad was always ashamed of the poverty that shadowed his life and was proud enough to not take any help from Heinrik. Moreover, there is this warning to Heinrik from his father that Konrad was ‘different’. This difference lay due to the fact that Konrad was more of an artist than a soldier.

Their bond continued till Krisztina came into their lives as Heinrik’s wife. One day when they were hunting in the forests, Konrad pointed his gun at Heinrik when nobody was with them. This he did from behind Heinrik, pretending to aim at a deer in the front. But he did not pull the trigger. In a second, he might have had changed his mind.

The General (Heinrik) understood that the gun was actually aimed at him and not the deer, but he did not show that he knew. Konrad understood this as well.

The next day, Konrad left town. After forty-one long years, it was now that he returned. The General’s wife had died eight years after Konrad’s departure or flight, left alone by her husband. It was evident that she had betrayed her husband for Konrad.

What is more important here is not the simple story itself, but the universal truths that are revealed to readers by the author, through the General. Sandor Marai is a philosopher par excellence;  at the same time has the genuine ability to narrate a simple story in the background.

Here is an excerpt from Embers. ” And sometimes, I’ve thought that friendship is formed of links as fateful as that between twins. One of the friends may flee the other, one may eventually find a new friend or lover, but without the tacit consent of the other, the old bond is never released.”

Another excerpt..

“We age slowly. First, our pleasure in life and other people declines, everything gradually becomes so real, we understand the significance of everything, everything repeats itself in a kind of troubling boredom. It’s the function of age. We know a glass is only a glass. A man, poor creature, is only a mortal, no matter what he does. Then our bodies age: not all at once. First, it is the eyes, or the legs, or the heart. We age by installments. And then suddenly our spirits begin to age: the body may have grown old, but our souls still yearn and remember and search and celebrate and long for joy. And when the longing for joy disappears, all that are left are memories or vanity, and then, finally, we are truly old. One day we wake up and rub our eyes and do not know why we have woken. We know all too well what the day offers: spring or winter, the surface of life, the weather, the daily routine. Nothing surprising can ever happen again: not even the unexpected, the unusual, the dreadful can surprise us, because we know all the probabilities, we anticipate everything, there’s nothing we want anymore, either good or bad. That is old age… “

If this book can be read, then nothing like it !!!

In any marital relationship, there should be equal balance of power…..

This is what you and I would agree happily on, isn’t it ? But as everyone knows it is this balance of power that is non-existent in marriages. The BoP is either tilted towards the husband, or the wife, the other spouse having to adjust to the situation for the sake of so many things..

Ideally, there should not be any thoughts about power or sharing power 50:50, in such a beautiful relationship. This is because wife is the half of husband and husband is half of the wife. And half plus half is one and not two.

However, we may all agree that man is traditionally the controlling figure and not the woman. So long as the man does sensible things and has more experience dealing with life and its problems than the woman, (assuming that he in all cases will be elder to the woman) the reins will be in his hands and rightfully so, too.

It is alright when the power is somewhat with the man, but what happens when the opposite is true ? Then you call the husband or partner a henpecked one. And he does not look that bad even then, does he ?

Why is it that henpecked hubbies are viewed with suspicion ?  Why are they sneered upon irrespective of where they belong to ?

This is because man as traditionally viewed by society is supposed to be the provider and so the controller. Anyone who obeys his wife or partner’s every whim and fancy is thus someone who opposes tradition. More than that, he is someone who, as an intelligent human being,  does not use his brains to reason with his wife for anything. And anyone who just agrees without saying a no is to be viewed with suspicion, isn’t it ?

Consider a friend of mine who married from outside his community. Now that is ok, because humans do fall in love. The problems lies in the fact that his wife does not allow him to hold a normal relationship with even his parents. Nothing happens for him without her permission. She prevents him from communicating to his only sister or dear cousins. Her excuse is that they were not kind enough to look happy when they announced their marriage. That they did not travel from Trivandrum to Mumbai for the wedding. Now this happened twelve years back. He is now forgiven and accepted in the family, so are his kids who are named after the community that this lady belongs to.

But now, when he wants to answer an email sent to him by his cousin, she says a no. When he wants to send money to his mother, he has to do that secretly. When my friend wants to speak to him over the phone, (hey are in the USA) he has to call his office number.

Now this situation is without any argument, PATHETIC. Henpecked ? No ……….much more serious.

No body owns anyone…not even when they are married to each other. This does not mean that a partner can do anything that he or she wants, not considering the likes of the other. As I said, husband and wife are parts of a whole and they are to complement each other. But it definitely means that even in marriage, none posesses the other. To think so is foolishness of the highest order.

Sula maybe one of  Toni Morrison’s earlier novels (1973) but it is definitely one of her best ones.

Overall, this work may seem to portray the story of two thick friends who in the end, separated because of evil and betrayal by the other, but more than that, SULA reveals the truth that good can create evil and evil can in turn , create good…..it is not these aspects that are important in any relationship, it is the relation itself  that matters in the end.

SULA also releases the truth that  society in general cannot accept women (more than the men) who do not conform to its traditional norms.

SULA describes to an extent the earlier American way of life which included racism and the indignity suffered by the blacks due to the same. The train journey of Helene Wright to see her dying grandmother is an example….when they have to move to open areas to relieve themselves.

The story outlines like this …..Sula is an afro-american woman whose character is shaped by the way she and her mother are treated at the hands of fate. As her mother sleeps around with anyone she pleases, young Sula realizes that she too may do the same, though unlike her mother, she does not fall prey to pure love, an act that would make her powerless over the man she interacts with. She uses and throws men away, betraying her best friend Nel too in a similar manner. She seduces Jude, Nel’s husband and then leaves him.

In the end, Sula dies unwanted and unloved, just like her wayward mother Hannah, maybe because nature does not suffer such wickedness gladly. Eva Peace, Hannah’s mother too lands up in an old age home where she dies senile.

But what is more important here is the realisation that betrayals and lust apart, there is the truth that all our actions on this earth are brought about by the way our parents, society and life in general, treat us.

Great reading again…….

A Mercy is the first book from Toni Morrison that I read recently.

Though I had copies of  the more famous Sula and Beloved with me, I settled for this book. The narrative is a bit strange, and in the beginning it was hard to understand what the author was trying to come to….I was often tempted to go to the pages behind to see the bigger picture….

The story is about an abandoned orphan called Florens, a little black girl who was sent off with Jacob Vaark, a Dutch farmer turned trader trying to set up his life in the Northern parts of wild America in the 1700s. Her mother sent her off with Jacob, to avoid herself being sold to clear her master’s debts. She does this partly because she feels that Jacob has a kind heart and that her daughter would be well looked after and not abused as a girl child. But her decision arouses depression and sadness in Florens the child, though she does not say anything. She does not understand why her mother abandoned her in favor of her baby brother.

Florens joins two other abandoned orphans in Jacob’s farm; Lina, a native American,  and Sorrow, a black girl rescued from a shipwreck. In Lina, Florens finds a new mother who loves and looks after her. All of them bond well and are in the wrong notion of being part of a close-knit family.

Lina however, dislikes Sorrow and believes she is the ill-omen that caused the untimely death of Jacob’s infant sons and Patrician, his only healthy daughter.

Meanwhile, Jacob, though has a kind heart and does not accept slavery, feels envious of the great mansion that he sees at Daniel D’Ortega’s place, from where he picks up Florens. For this envy, he calls a blacksmith to work on huge gates for his farm. Florens who has grown to a teenaged girl now, is smitten by the blacksmith and finds that her love is returned. She who has not been loved by anyone till then finds a new meaning in life.

But when Jacob dies of small pox and the blacksmith leaves the place without even a goodbye, Florens is asked by Rebekka, Jacob’s wife, to go out in search of the smithy. This is because the blacksmith had cured Sorrow of her small pox and could save her own endangered life now. Florens  sets off, without any concern for her safety, because she wants todesparately find her love.

The story is given in Floren’s perspective mainly. Apart from the storyline, there are strong emotions that run through the story, the ones which portray feelings of those who are unfortunate enough to be born as offsprings of slaves in the untamed America of those days, unfortunate enough to be sold off to strangers at a tender age and beyond…..

There is also reference to the way the poor native Americans were uprooted and destroyed by the Europeans in their quest for glory and money. Lina wonders at one point whether Jacob’s family met that fate of death and destruction because they cut off many trees for gain, without asking their permission.

At the end, blacksmith asks Florens to go away because she is still a slave and craves for ownership, unlike him who is free and owns himself. He tells her that he adores her and that she alone owns him. But she would have to go back.

Later, Florens is hardened by her life experiences and no longer the naive girl that she used to be, but  is still perplexed why her mother had made that first betrayal….an act which was repeated throughout her life. Her mistress tries to sell her and we dont come to know what happens to her……

Through her portrayal of native and black Americans who were subjected to inhuman conditions and attack on their dignity, Toni also tries to portray the entire human life , the way we are slaves to life  and to its various aspects …money, fame, power, lust…….we are not masters to ourselves….

The only positive aspect is the love between Jacob and Rebekka who are a perfect couple who understand each other truly…..and the pure love that Florens has for the blacksmith. The long and tortuous journey that Florens undertakes to find her love is heart wrenching…..

Mercy is that which is shown rarely , by people who are least expected to do that …..isn’t it ?

Definitely a story to read…..